Do you ever feel like you just can’t take it anymore? That this life that you are living is just to overwhelming. That you can’t take it and everything is too heavy and just weighing you down. This seems to be, for the lack of better terms, the “funk” that I’m in right now. The last couple of weeks has been me trying to stay above the water. I feel like I am sinking. Every time I get above the surface, I get sucked back down and I sink twice as far below. I’ve been listening to Flyleaf a lot lately. During work, at home, and so on. There’s one particular song that I’ve been listening to, called “I’m So Sick.” In the song Lacey sings the following lyrics: I will break into your thoughts, with what’s written on my heart. I will break, break. I’m so sick, infected with where I live. Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness. I’m so sick. If you want more of this we can push out, sell out, die out. So you’ll shut up and stay sleeping with my screaming in your itching ears. Here it, I’m screaming it. You’re heeding to it now. Hear it! I’m screaming it! You tremble at this sound. You sink into my clothes and this invasion makes me feel worthless, hopeless, sick. I’m so sick! — This song just really encompasses the way that I’ve been feeling lately. I so sick of myself, the things that I keep on doing, and the way that people make me feel. I am sick of myself and my ways. I need God so desperately. I need him to invade my life and take over. I’m hopeless and worthless without Him. I’m ready to just let Him in and have lose. But at the same time, the thought scares me. I’m a control freak, I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen and not having control of my life. Unfortunately, this is the only and best way. Who’s hands is it better to have your life in, then His. Anyway, in the mist of this funk, I went over to the library, and found a tunnel that goes to the other side of the road from the park. Here’s an image of what I captured:
After looking at the photo, it completely reminded how things can seem so bad and you can feel like there’s no hope, but when it really comes down to it, the Lord is always there waiting at the edge of the darkness waiting to bring you out of whatever you are dealing with. Thank God for that, I don’t know what I would do without his love and grace. I am so unworthy, but for some reason he still loves me.